I have a slew of topics I'd like to discuss (the criticism of criticism, the unwarranted hatred of Shakespeare, the evolution of children's films, the paradox of English studies) but since it's Monday I'll try to keep it light.
More overdone than that bad batch of cookies, it's a rant concerning “social networking” sites. I always found humor in giving such a fancy title to sites that are often riddled with glitter graphics and the latest YouTube video of some guy blowing himself with firecrackers. Well, okay, that's more targeted towards Myspace rather than Facebook. Actually, I don't have much of a problem with Facebook.
See, I don't want to say this is “a rant about Myspace” because we've all seen far too many of those, although they're often poorly written and hypocritical. Poorly written because Myspace breeds a sort of disregard for the English language, and hypocritical because nine times out of ten the people complaining about it are guilty of whatever hellfire and brimstone they're preaching.
This is more-so about the “facade” of one's Myspace.
Sure, I'll use myself as an example.
As you can see, I'm a pretty big tool. I'm fairly “in-your-face” about the whole “I'm an English major” thing. I've got all of my fancy quotes from dead (and living) guys, my neat picture of Bret Easton Ellis, my little biography thing. I have Patrick Bateman in my top friends. I've got my English major glasses on. I also have my cleverly placed “Slurms McKenzie” in my heroes to add a bit of zest and humor.
Although I more or less say what I mean and mean what I say on my fancy page, I acknowledge that I could come off as a pretentious dude. That's fine and I can accept that.
But more or less, there's no cryptic bullshit. It's all there in black and white. I don't do much, live with my girlfriend, go to UCF, major in English, write, play instruments. It's all on the table. No attempts to impress you or try to be “personal” or “deep.” All of that mumbo jumbo is saved for the blogs where it's coherent and not in the form of a clever list.
See, that's what I hate (strong word) more than anything about Myspace and the facades that people attempt to create.
Here's am example of the sort of biography I see constantly that boils my blood.:
-Outspoken
-I have the best friends in the world. If you mess with them I'll slit your throat :-)
-I live my life and don't let anyone stand in my way
-Menthols = <3
-Don't push your beliefs on me
-You don't want to meet me
Maybe it shouldn't irritate me as much as it does. I don't know. This is where the whole “lists are the laziest form of writing” thing holds water. This isn't an exaggeration, either. I've seen such things or variations of them many a-time.
I don't understand this facade. What's even more boggling is that people seem to cling to it.
In keeping up with the theme of my own Myspace and blog, I'll do the proper “English” thing and analyze it, line by line.
“Outspoken”
Response: Outspoken, but only on the Internet. Engaging in actual conversation results in a sort of “deer in the headlights” response.
“I have the best friends in the world. If you mess with them I'll slit your throat :-)”
Response: The first sentence, fine. The second? Insecure, sure, although it does coincide with the whole “outspoken” thing.
“I live my life and don't let anyone stand in my way”
Response: I live my life also. I affirm this by checking my pulse every now and then.
“Menthols = <3”>
Response: Congratulations, you're fifteen and you smoke. I'd give you a medal but then I'd have to give one to every underage smoker. I'm afraid, though, making umpteen million medals exceeds our budget.
“Don't push your beliefs on me”
Response: Great. Now what am I going to do with all of these copies of the Bible, Book of Mormon, The Watchtower, Dianetics, and the Qur'an I have lying around the apartment?
“You don't want to meet me”
Response: Congratulations. This affirms everything else I've read. Points for “tying it all together.”
I don't get it.
“People are just stupid, Brent" or "They're just kids and they'll grow up."
Yeah, yeah. I know. I would just love to know where we can find the source and unplug it, destroy it, whatever.
Finally, here's a quote from me, circa the beginning of last semester. It was written as part of a blog project in one of my classes. This particular post had to do with the “modern student” and the adverse effects of the Internet. I just found it relevant:
“Here's the truth: the Internet has fried my attention span.
For example, I'll have the honest intention of studying for five hours and put aside the time for it and everything. But then I realize four and a half hours later that I've done absolutely nothing and gracing my computer's screen to mock me is a blank Word document and the Wikipedia for "Waffle House" (or something equally pointless). I have no issues paying attention in class, but I believe that there is truth to the Internet having a mind numbing effect that plants itself in our heads during our youth.
It seems that as the years go by the quality of how we spend our time online only gets worse. When we were younger people used chat rooms more often and instant messengers to have at least somewhat intelligent conversations. As years went by we began to use Livejournals, Blurtys, and Xangas as somewhere to rant or vent, whether it was coherent or not. Then slowly it all disintegrated into Myspace, where the blogging aspect slowly became less important, and the bulk of importance was placed in commenting each other's pictures and profiles. It's strange how the trends go, and it seems as if this will have quite an effect on the students entering higher education in years to come. I'm guilty as charged for being part of the sites listed above. I am not holier than thou. “
-a slightly younger Brent Barnhart, August 29th 2008
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